How Badly Do You Want It?

I'm looking over my list of New Year's Resolutions for 2010 to see how close to target I am. I know, that sounds disgustingly driven. Actually, if you saw my list, you'd be convinced I need to get out more and make fewer to-do lists. Yes, I suffer from extreme Eldest Child Syndrome. But at last I may be learning to embrace my inner Over-Achiever.

Because the truth for me is this: no one is ever going to make me do these things. Writing, in my life, is optional. It doesn't pay bills. It doesn't entertain my daughter or impress my friends (well, it'd be nice if it did!) or make my house clean.

Writing, for me, is about desire. It's about a dream. It's about a story. It's about releasing something inside of me by watching a blinking black cursor move across a white screen, letters chasing after it.

And it will only happen if I pursue it. If I want it. If my fingers press those keys and make those words appear, day after day, hour after hour, no matter what other responsibilities and challenges arise and have to be taken care of.

So that's the question I keep asking myself as I look at my ambitious list of 2010 goals: how badly do I want it?

Because it will take every ounce of that desire, determination, and passion to pursue this dream and create something worthwhile.

I listed four manuscripts I want to see finished by the end of this year. One needs editing and two are partially complete, so it's not like I'm trying to write four totally new pieces this year. Really, I'm trying to clear my shelf of these half-finished ideas. It's time. Definitely time.

So that's my goal. What's yours?

How badly do you want it?